Will and I talk a lot about Max. We talk about new ideas we have to make his (and our) life easier, to make his tantrums less, to allow him to enter our world for a bit, and to grow as an individual.
I know all parents have hopes and dreams for their children and who am I to say that our feelings are not similar to other parents. But I do know being Max's parent is a challenge. There are some days I feel like the worst mom on the planet, and I question my ability to raise such a special child.
I know I am not alone, I know every parent at one time or another has feelings of guilt, feelings of inadequacy or feels like the lack the ability to be a good parent.
When Max was around two Will and I decided that we would start a time-out routine with him if he did something wrong. We would do the "Super Nanny" approach. We established mini rules, would tell him no, explain in a very simple way why he couldn't do what he was doing, and then if that didn't work, he would go sit in time-out. We started out with 30 seconds and we would sit with him. Then after we would talk to him and tell him we love him.
His favorite activity at the time (and still a favorite) is to throw things. Clear across the room. Breaking things, hitting people, and being destructive. When he does these things it was an automatic time out. We would put him in time out over and over - sometimes up to 30 times. Consistency is the key, right? Wrong. With Max timeouts made everything worse. He would tantrum the whole time, would kick, hit, scream, hurt himself, and in the end would still throw things. He wasn't understanding. He couldn't read our mad voices, he didn't understand our faces, he wasn't picking up on the social cue of "Mad" and it was SO FRUSTRATING. It is still frustrating.
Will and I are not perfect. We yell, and we get mad. We make mistakes. But we are trying our best. We have bad days.
It is hard to listen to people tell us "Oh you are doing so well with Max!" Because on most days he is a challenge. And we don't feel like we are the right parents for the job. We are trying not to make excuses for Max. We want him to learn what is right and wrong, what is socially acceptable behavior and what isn't. But it is so hard.
But...then there are days when ONE thing makes it all worth it. Like when he said "Thank you!" in Costco in the correct context. Or when he comes and snuggles up to me and we watch a show together, or when he makes his brother laugh and laugh.
Are we enough? I don't know. But I do know I have so much love for Max. And I know he loves me. Even if he doesn't say it.
I know all parents have hopes and dreams for their children and who am I to say that our feelings are not similar to other parents. But I do know being Max's parent is a challenge. There are some days I feel like the worst mom on the planet, and I question my ability to raise such a special child.
I know I am not alone, I know every parent at one time or another has feelings of guilt, feelings of inadequacy or feels like the lack the ability to be a good parent.
When Max was around two Will and I decided that we would start a time-out routine with him if he did something wrong. We would do the "Super Nanny" approach. We established mini rules, would tell him no, explain in a very simple way why he couldn't do what he was doing, and then if that didn't work, he would go sit in time-out. We started out with 30 seconds and we would sit with him. Then after we would talk to him and tell him we love him.
His favorite activity at the time (and still a favorite) is to throw things. Clear across the room. Breaking things, hitting people, and being destructive. When he does these things it was an automatic time out. We would put him in time out over and over - sometimes up to 30 times. Consistency is the key, right? Wrong. With Max timeouts made everything worse. He would tantrum the whole time, would kick, hit, scream, hurt himself, and in the end would still throw things. He wasn't understanding. He couldn't read our mad voices, he didn't understand our faces, he wasn't picking up on the social cue of "Mad" and it was SO FRUSTRATING. It is still frustrating.
Will and I are not perfect. We yell, and we get mad. We make mistakes. But we are trying our best. We have bad days.
It is hard to listen to people tell us "Oh you are doing so well with Max!" Because on most days he is a challenge. And we don't feel like we are the right parents for the job. We are trying not to make excuses for Max. We want him to learn what is right and wrong, what is socially acceptable behavior and what isn't. But it is so hard.
Are we enough? I don't know. But I do know I have so much love for Max. And I know he loves me. Even if he doesn't say it.
Very true, Tiffany! I feel the same when when people tell me they are amazed at all that I do for my kids. I think about all the things I do wrong, on a daily basis, or what more I could be doing. I need to learn to take the compliment and believe it more!
ReplyDeleteTiffany, I am just getting caught up on your family and your stories. I'm so sorry for the struggles you've had to face, but I'm also so happy to hear of your successes! You have such a sweet family. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I loved this post!
ReplyDeleteI loved this post! You're a rock star Tiff!
ReplyDeleteGood morning Tiffany! I just read this post and thought I'd share something else I read recently. Hopefully this will encourage your heart. There may be some motherhood moments that make us feel like a failure. Plug your ears to that voice, because it is not the voice of Truth. The Creator made YOU to be the mama to your child (children) - yes YOU. No one knows your child like you. He has given you special discernment and a heart just for them. You are not a failure. You are on a journey that requires a lot of grace - for your kids and for yourself. I pray he affirms your motherhood today. You are special. You are treasured. You are loved. ��
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