Learning from Dexter

Max and his younger brother Dexter have a very sweet relationship.  They truly love each other.  Dexter is the first person Max says hi to and gives hugs to after school.  Dexter loves to give Max hugs and kisses.  It is pretty adorable.

One thing I never thought was how much Dexter will teach and influence Max.  Dexter and Max are physically very different.  Max is huge and has always been in the 100% or above on all his growth charts.  Dexter has been between 1% and 20% on all his growth charts since birth. 
At 10 months Max weighed 30 pounds and was 30 inches.  Dexter is only 23.5 pounds and 31 but he is 21 months.  So they are very opposite.

 Both boys at 10 months old.  #thebros

Dexter can't fit into the outfit Max is wearing yet.  Ha!

Max and Dexter developmentally are very close in age.  Max is about 2 years behind peers (typical children) that are his age.  Dexter has a slight speech delay, but he is getting some early intervention help.  So they are able to really influence each other. 

Today we got the dreaded call at school.  Max bit another student.  He has never bit someone before.  I was hoping to avoid this.  But, alas, he bit someone.  My heart sank.  Max is such a tender heart.  He cares a lot about others, and is always saying "That ok mom" when I bump into something or get hurt somehow.  So now what?  Where is he learning this from?  Yes, it was the first time, but he never has done it before?  His teacher asked me if Dexter bites.  I said yes, he is teething, he bites everything.  She said, he is watching Dexter.  He is testing out what Dexter is doing.  Ah!  That makes sense.

I can work with this.  He is influenced so much by those around him, and doesn't understand facial expressions well at all, so we really need to talk to him and repeat things over and over for him to grasp a concept.  For example Max used to throw all of his trucks and cars in the sink.  This was such a hard stage.  Because everything would go int the sink.  And he would get SO mad when we would clean it up.  We realized that he was "cleaning" and we were just not seeing his perspective.  When we had dirty dishes we would put them in the sink.  When he was done playing with a car, he would want to "clean up" and put it in the sink.  So in his mind, nothing was wrong.  He was learning a social situation.  We worked with him and showed him over and over what goes in the sink, and about 4-6 months later Max doesn't put all toys in the sink now.  It just took time.

Looking back on a lot of situations I can see how he was being so literal.  Because that is how he views the world.  At this years Easter egg hunt we told him to "Pick up all the eggs" and he did a great job.  But when he came across an egg that was shaped like a basketball, he looked at it and said 'Not an egg!" and threw it to the ground.  Literal thinking.

 

Dexter will continue to teach Max.  He will show him the world better than we can.  I love that I have two boys close in age so they can help each other.  Dexter adores Max, and Max depends on Dexter.  It is a bond that will grow.  I love them to pieces.  

My shy boy and my camera happy boy.  This picture explains them so well. 

Brothers

I can't believe that Dexter (Max's baby brother) is almost a year old.  A lot has happened in his first year of life.  Dexter is very different than Max, and on most days Will and I find ourselves saying "We are learning how to be parents all over again!"
I am sure we aren't the only parents saying this with their children.  I think back to my own childhood, and how different my brother and I were as kids.  We had similar interests but approached life in very different ways.  Still do.  Which is good, we kept my parents on their toes.

Brandon and Tiffany Rust circa 1985

Dexter is very much his own person and has his own challenges, but developmentally he is right on target with peers in his age group.  At a year is when we really noticed things were changing with Max.  He started regressing developmentally instead of improving.  He started loosing words, loosing interest in food, going into his own world more and more.  We have not seen this with Dexter.  If anything he is more engaging, notices people a lot more, and wants to be the life of the party.

Dexter loves when we get down on the floor and play with him.  He likes to interact with us, and even grabs our hands to "help" him with a toy.  He looks us in the eye and wants to get approval from us by clapping or saying "yes Dexter!"  He is very different than Max was at a year.  Dexter also lets us know very clearly when he is hungry.  He loves solid food and has become quite the puppy picking things off the floor.  Dexter also changes activities about every 5-15 minutes.  He is very busy, moving from toy to toy, activity to activity.  Max could watch a whole movie at a year old, could play and line up cars for 45-60 minutes, or could just sit in the kitchen and watch me cook.  He has always been in his own world.  

We love face-time.  It gives us the opportunity to communicate with my family in New Jersey and New York while being in Utah.  Dexter loves the phone, enjoys seeing my Dad and smiles and copies what my Dad does on the phone.  Max has a harder time with the phone, he doesn't really respond to his name and unless his gets to press the button to end the call he won't interact with my Dad and Brother.  I am blessed that my Dad and Brother understand Max, and love him unconditionally because it is hard to watch Max not respond to "hello Max, how are you Max, what are you doing Max?" 

Face-time with Poppi

Max has just started interacting with Dexter.  He calls Dexter THE B, or MY B.  He gets very concerned when THE B is crying, or when THE B is playing with his trucks.  They recently started chasing each other.  Max doesn't understand that Dexter just wants to play with him, so instead it turns into Dexter chasing Max and both boys laughing and laughing.  It is really fun to watch.

Will recently told me a story.  It was when Max came to the hospital to see Dexter for the first time. Will was with Dexter in the nursery and I was with Max.  Will said to Dexter "It is time to go meet your brother."  Dexter smiled.  He was hours old.  I believe Dexter was excited to see his brother and become his buddy, his friend.  Dexter is teaching Max.  Dexter is a great little-big brother.  I am lucky to have two special boys in my life. 

The Bros - August 2013

Just a Kid

Max is really just a kid.

He is loving summer.  He loves playing outside.
We actually have noticed an increase in words because of his obsession of being outside.
He will say "Walk" to mean go outside and bring us the stroller.
He says "Go Car" which translates to mean he wants to go out on a drive in the car.

He is just a boy who has a different way of learning.

Tonight we were with our good friends and their kids are so kind and patient with Max.  They played in their little pool outside.  Max was even getting involved with the throwing of water.  He doesn't quite understand that if someone throws water on him, he can then in turn, throw water back...but he was laughing and having a great time.  He loves water and could play in it for hours.

It is a good reminder to me as his Mom that he really is just a kid.  He wants to have fun, he doesn't want everything to be hard, he wants to learn and explore, but in his own way.  And really, who doesn't want that for themselves?

I think back to my childhood.  My Dad would practice basketball with us in the driveway for hours.  We would go over my shot time and time again.  But really it wasn't until I was practicing on my own, not being critiqued, that I really learned.  My dad gave me the basics, but I needed to figure it out on my own.

Max is the same.  He needs to figure life out on his own schedule, in his own way. 

 We just need to enter his world and his schedule.