It take a Village

There are some days I sit and cry.  I cry with frustration, with tiredness, with negative thoughts that I can't be the mom my boys need.  And every single time I have had a moment, or even a full day like this I have had a friend or family member reach out to me and offer to help, or just talk, or even just take a drive around the block.  (Sodalicious has become a major stress relief in my life.) I can't tell you how grateful I am for these moments, and for the village Will and I have formed to help raise our two special boys. 

People often ask "What can we do to help?"  or "Do you and Will need anything?" 
We don't know how to answer this.  Our personalities are not one who ask for help.  We like to serve.  We like to help and be helpful to others.  So asking for help is hard.  But we are learning. 

There are not many people who can watch Max and Dexter.  They are hard boys and I totally understand make people nervous.  Dexter is so anxious to be without Will or myself and will cry for hours.  Max can bolt at a moments notice, and honestly that scares me.  Then Max and Dexter both have sensory issues with food.  So we tend to do everything as a family.  We go everywhere together and travel as a pack.  It is just easier. 

There have been so many people who have helped us.  So many people who have come to our rescue and have made our lives easier.  The emails of support, the texts on hard days, and the middle of the phone calls mean the world to us.  Will and I feel so lucky to have such a huge village.  It is the stranger in the food store who helps me when both of the boys are melting down in the busy parking lot.  Then there are the group of BYU boys who live across the street from us who have on multiple occassions cleaned up our outside toys and have saved Max when he has run into the street.  These acts of kindness make me have so much faith in humanity. 

This past weekend we took part in The Utah Walk for Autism Speaks.  We created a team for Spaceship Max.  We didn't have any expectations for the walk and we really just wanted to go and be a part of the Autism Speaks event.  I was blown away by the support we had.  We had many who supported us by donating to our team and then we had a great group of friends who came and walked with us.  The event was loud, which for an Autism event was strange, but all and all it was a great morning!  Our family is blessed with so much support.

I love my family!  

Super hero dad

Max's Person

Max has a person and that person is Will.  

It is more than just a bond between father and son.  Max looks for Will in all aspects of life.  Will calms him down, dresses him, changes his diapers, swims with him, wrestles him and puts him to bed.  Will is basically SuperDad. I could do these things and I do when Will isn't available.  But time and time again Max has a panic attack and a huge tantrum when Dad isn't available.

He wants his Dad, he wants his person. 

When Max had his evaluation up at Primary Children's Hospital the doctor explained to us that children on the Autistic Spectrum typically will latch on to one person as a safety net.  Sometimes this person is a sibling, good friend, or grandparent etc.  For Max his person is Will.  We noticed this even as a baby.  It wasn't something I did that made Will his person, it was a choice Max made.  This was very hard for me to understand at first.  A child should naturally want his Mom, but in this case it wasn't about me, it was who made Max feel safe in an otherwise scary world.  Will allows Max to enter the world.  Without a person Max would stay in his own world and never come out. 

This has caused us a lot of interesting problems.  For example, when Will has to go somewhere for work or needs to leave the house for a while, Max has a break down.  He throws things, hits his head against the door and hits his hands on his face.  He wants nothing to do with me.  It is all irrational thinking.  We have figured out ways to calm him before Will has to leave, but some days are better than others.  Max likes to be on a schedule.  And his schedule has to involve Will.  When his schedule is done without his person it isn't right, and Max lets you know.

Will is a very patient and caring Dad.  He is superdad.  He is a great example for Max, and I know as a Mom there is nothing better than watching Max bond with his person.