Thursday, March 2, 2017


Writing a blog about our autism journey has been so therapeutic.  Will and I are able to look back and see the progress that Max and Dexter have made in the last 2 years.
This week I have been looking back a lot.

Max and Dexter have made progress but some days, weeks, even months feel like we are drowning and can't catch a breath.  That has been the last two weeks.  Max is regressing in school and at home.  He isn't sleeping, and it is taking a toll on our family.  He tantrums most of the night. From about 5pm until he falls asleep.  And his tantrums are becoming more violent and extreme.  He is also a big 5.5 year old, weighing 53 pounds and 48 inches tall, who can physically hurt you if he is in a rage/manic stage.  We do a lot of therapy methods at home, and try to stay as calm as possible, but some nights I loose my cool.  I yell and cry and get upset with Max.  I then have a pity party and Will tries his hardest to tell me what a great Mom I am.  These nights are hard, and I know it is just a part of our life, but some days I just want some normality.
Why the tantrums?

Will and I have been asked "Are you sure they are autistic?  They seem so calm when you are out. And your pictures show how happy they are."
Another common statement we often hear about Max and Dexter is "They are just acting like children, they are growing up, you must be too soft on them, and you are worrying to much."

I often don't know how to respond to these statements or questions.  Two years ago I would have been on the defense, but now I am confident with both boys diagnosis.  If you spend time with them at different parts of the day, and for more than a few minutes at a time, you will begin to understand what Will and I experience daily.  Max often holds emotions in all day at school, but then at night his brain is overworked and overwhelmed.  This is when he becomes aggressive, angry, and what other people would describe as depressed.  His emotions change minute to minute some nights. He is being taught at school and at home (through therapy) how to show emotions in a positive and constructive way. His processing speed is slower than a typical child so progress is slow.

Real life vs. social media life can be deceiving.  I try to share our real life.  But if I only showed the hard times I would get depressed.  I find comfort in looking back at the happy and positive moments, it also shows the progress we have made as an Autism Proud family.

Both Max and Dexter have such amazing attributes. 
Max is so sensitive and has been since he was born.  He studies the world.  He loves his family, and even takes a picture of us to school with him each day.  He loves Dinosaurs more than anything, to the point where he believes he lives in a dinosaur world.
Dexter is a ball full of energy.  He gives the best hugs and can smile his way out of anything.  He loves letters and has been able to identify the letters of the alphabet since 14 months old.  He is really into video games, and can make his own Mario Maker levels.  He also is a great brother to Max and has helped Max find his physical voice.

Will and I have days filled with fear and doubt, but they are often forgotten when we see the boys accomplish something new, or put a shirt on by themselves for the first time. Those moments make us feel like we are doing something right as their parents.

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