Being a friend

Kids just understand each other.  They just do. 
Cousins understand each other more than anyone and they make fantastic friends. 
I was not close with my cousins growing up so I missed out on having friends that were also cousins.  Max is lucky, he has cousins that are close in age to him and also live close.  He has built in friends.  A build in support system. 

Will and I were talking just last week about friends.  Making friends is a fear I have and I am sure I will always have for Max.  Making sure Max had a good support system at school, and in life in general is really important to me.  Max doesn't really socialize at school with other children.  He stays to himself and in his own world.  His best friends are his trains, Gerald the Giraffe, and his favorite TV characters. 

But then this past weekend we were at the BYU Bean Museum with his cousins.  We were reminded, (again) that Max does have friends.  He has friends that love him, support him, and understand him.  And we are so lucky that they are his cousins. 

Cousin C is who I would call his best friend.  They even hold hands when they are together.  She chases him, and teases him, and loves him.  I tear up when they hug each other.  She does so much for Max, she is teaching him how to socialize.  Cousin C also has helped me realize Max does and always will have friends.  They will love him for all his quirks. 

Look but don't touch

My Dad has been in town from New Jersey for the past five days.  It has been really great to have him around.  The last time he saw Max was back at Easter.  Max's Autism diagnosis was still fresh at Easter time and we were still debating on pre-school, therapy and other interventions for Max.  Since then we have made a lot of changes to our daily life, and my Dad noticed.  My Dad said Max is more relaxed and is trying to communicate a lot more.  Something we have been doing a lot of is using Facetime.  I truly believe this has helped Max get to know family that is far away better.  It only took a few hours to warm up to my dad instead of a day or two.  By the end of my Dad's visit Max was giving him hugs. 

While my Dad was here we did a lot of fun activities, but the one I was most excited and also nervous about was the Alpine Coasters in Park City.  Cousin Michael was in town so he also came along for the fun.  We drove up to park city, bought the tickets and waited in line.  Max did great in line.  It was a miracle, because the line was over 45 minutes long.  He played with dirt most of the time and was very well behavied.  When we were a couple people away from the start of the coasters my Dad took him in his arms for a closer look.  The coasters are on a track, they look like cars, and they looked to be perfect for Max.  He was excited, he kept pointing and saying car.  He even identified that he wanted the "bu" (blue) one!  As soon as it was our turn to get on the ride, Max wanted nothing to do with it.  He yelled and squirmed all over Will's lap. 

We tried.  We didn't get mad.  We were glad he was so good in line.  Will, Michael, and my Dad still went on the coaster.  Max, Dexter and I watched as they took off. 

Max really has made leaps and strides these last 9 months.  He truly is growing (literally) and learning.  things take time.  The LITTLE steps are HUGE in his world.  

Pretend play

We have been in California for the last three weeks.
Cousins are the best.
Older patient cousins are amazing.
Max mimicked them.  He observed their behavior and watched what they did.  By the end of the three weeks he had more words and was even trying new foods. 
If this is ANY indication of how pre-school is going to be I am super excited.
Max is very lucky to have such good role models in his life.

Pretend Play

"Young children learn by imagining and doing. Have you ever watched your child pick up a stone and pretend it is a zooming car, or hop a Lego across the table as if it were a person or a bunny? Your child is using an object to represent something else while giving it action and motion. But this pretend play is not as simple as it may seem. The process of pretending builds skills in many essential developmental areas." -Scholastic Magazine


Max has never done pretend play until this last trip to California.  He is just starting, but any movement forward is progress and we get very excited.  He started pretending to be on the phone, pretending to brush his stuffed animals hair and even feeding a stuffed baby.  He knows what to do, and is pretending to do them.  He usually will come and "show" us his new found skill and then go back to playing with cars or trucks, but we get overly excited.

Children on the autistic spectrum have a very hard time in social situations and pretend play is very social.  Some children pick up pretend play quickly and others, like Max, don't.  He has never showed an interest in anything other than his cars and trucks and things that move.  

Pretend play is important for three major reasons:
1. Imitation skills. Typically-developing children watch how others play with toys and imitate them. For example, a typically-developing child might choose to line up blocks one next to the other the first time they play with them. But as soon as the typically developing child sees others build with the blocks, he will imitate that behavior. A child with autism may not even notice that others are playing with blocks at all, and is very unlikely to observe others' behavior and then intuitively begin to imitate that behavior.
2.  Symbolic play skills. Symbolic play is just another term for pretend play, and by the age of three, most children have developed fairly sophisticated tools for engaging in symbolic play both alone and with others. They may use toys exactly as they're designed -- playing "house" with a pretend kitchen and eating plastic food. Or they may make up their own creative pretend play, turning a box into a fortress or a stuffed animal into a talking playmate. Children with autism rarely develop symbolic play skills without help: They may enjoy placing engines on a track, but they're unlikely to enact scenes, make sound effects, or otherwise pretend with their toy trains.
3.  Social communication skills. In order to be successful in pretend play and imitation, typically developing children actively seek out engagement and communication, and quickly learn how to "read" the intentions of other people. Children with autism tend to be self-absorbed, and have little desire to communicate or engage with playmates.

Here is a great article on pretend play and Autism.

California and Cousin David.

Cousin Andrew graduated from High School.

Pretending with his trucks instead of just lining them up.

But always with a lot of concentration.

Pretending to fix things like Bob the Builder.

Pretending to work like Daddy.

Bottom line - Family rocks.  Learn is amazing.  Growing together as a family with understanding is so important.  Max is so lucky to have a supportive group in his life all over the country.