Conquering fears

Last summer when my Dad came to visit we went to Park City and decided to give the Alpine Coaster a try.  We thought Max would love it because it is a car/train that you get to ride in.  Little did we know that after waiting in a line for 90 minutes Max would panic once it was his turn for a ride.  You can read about that experience here. 

This past weekend was a whole different story.  My dad came to visit and we again went to Park City to see if Max would try the Alpine slide and then the Alpine Coaster.  We had no expectations, we just knew once he got on he would love the whole experience.  His brother Dexter is a dare devil and we knew he would want to ride everything also. 

We went on a weekday and during school hours so the park wasn't crowded.  We did the Alpine Slide first.  We road the ski lifts up to the top of the mountain.  Max did GREAT on the ski lift.  He was excited and kept saying "so high" and "look train!"

The Alpine Slide was a huge hit.  I think I was more nervous than Max was.  He sang "Mickey Mouse Road Rally" the whole way down at the top of his lungs.  Will and I were singing along and cracking up. Max was so happy and had no care in the world.  It was awesome!

When we got to the bottom Max immediately wanted to "do it again!" This time we bought tickets for the Alpine Coaster.  This was the same ride that last year he was scared and didn't want ride.  The line was short.  It was only about a 30 minute wait.  When we got to the front of the line we asked Max what color car he wanted to sit in.  He said blue.  Then we asked who he wanted to ride with?  He said "Ride with Poppi!"  I had tears in my eyes, I was so proud of him.  We all rode the coaster, and the whole time my dad said Max was saying "Poppi go faster!"  When the ride was done he screamed "That was AMAZING!"  I didn't even know he knew that word. 

I realize that him being scared is more of an age thing rather than an Autism issue.  I know that being scared is a normal life feeling.  But the fact that he is feeling is what makes this whole event so special.  He is recognizing his own feelings.  He knows when he is excited, happy, and scared and more importantly can express these feelings.  Expressive language is something that children on the autism spectrum really struggle with.  They need to be taught how to appropriately express feelings and not just tantrum or scream.  Max made me so proud this past weekend.  And I can't wait to ride the coaster again!

Heartfelt Mom Post - Being kind to one another

This weekend was hard.
Friday Max went on a wonderful field trip to the Natural Curiosity Museum in Lehi, Utah.  It was really fun for our family and he had a blast. 

The museum is loud, has a lot of lights, sounds, colors, and even though he had a great time I knew the rest of the day was going to be hard.  His brain was on overdrive.  He was overstimulated and overwhelmed.  One thing after another made him panic, cry, tantrum, and get upset.  He destroyed his bedroom, smeared poop on the walls (I will spare you the picture) and crashed by 7pm. 

Being overstimulated is something that Max deals with on a regular basis.  He has some coping methods, but he almost 4, not almost 12.  When he is really overwhelmed he flaps his arms, hits his head, screams, cries, and acts out.  Will and I try our best to prepare him for a situation, but there is no way we can predict how he will react. 

This is a GREAT video that shows what sensory overload is like. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcS2VUoe12M

Church is very hard for him.  He does well in small groups, but the large sacrament meeting, with sounds coming from everywhere, bright lights, and a lot of people his senses are on overdrive.  Just imagine closing your eyes in a large room.  There are sounds everywhere, feet moving on the floor, people talking, shifting of body parts, the building cracks and noises, etc.  Max hears and sees everything, and it is all very hard on his brain. If he gets to overwhelmed he then either acts out, cries, runs away,  physically hurts himself or others, or tries his best to use coping skills to deal with the situation. This is what Autism looks like.  This is what Max deals with daily. 

So if you see us at church or any social event it might look like this: playing with trains (toys), he might be laying on the floor watching the wheels to calm himself, letting him jump up and down, spin in circles in the doorway or hallway of a building, letting him play on the iphone or ipad, allowing him to use his voice to tell us what is wrong.  He might repeat the same thing over and over and get louder and louder, and of course we will explain to him what is appropriate for the situation but we can't predict his outbursts.  He might hit his head with his hands, or run from us even after calling his name over and over.  This is all normal. These things are not an indication of our lack of parenting, this is us trying to help our child cope with the world.  Because his world can be lonely, scary, and really hard.

Yesterday I put on my facebook:  Be kind to one another. Judging hurts at any age and in any situation.

On the outside Max looks like a typical (almost) 4 year old.  He is taller than his peers.   He is now in the 100% for height and the 80% for weight.  He wears boys clothes not toddler clothes anymore. He is expect to communicate like a 4 or 5 year old.  But he is about 2 years behind those of his peers.  People stare at him, and that is okay, he doesn't notice for now.  But he will.  And Will and I notice, we notice the whispers, and the faces of those who are judging the way my child is acting.  Will and I have heard it all, we have watched adults and children laugh at Max.  It hurts.  Max one day will notice, and we will be there to love and support him.  To tell him how special he is, how smart he is, and how lucky he is to have so many people who DO support him.  I know we have so many who support us, who care for us, and pray for our family, but that doesn't take the hurt of that one judgmental comment away.  Will and I are human, trying to be super heroes to both our special boys. 

Our parenting style has to be different, it has to look different, and that is okay.  Just because we are doing things our way doesn't make it wrong. Max has taught me to be more compassionate, to care more, to be more understanding of all people.  I adore him and his unique traits.  I have learned more about trains, firetrucks, Pocoyo, and construction sites than I ever thought possible.  I have also learned how valuable friendships are and how important it is to have a village to help raise a child. 

Potty Training - just the beginning.

Potty Training is something I have been dreading.  It is something that has given me anxiety.  But with the confidence from Max's teacher last week we started the process.  And it is a process. We started January 29th and here is our 9 day story.  

Max doesn't really feel when he has to go to the bathroom, so we have to help him.  The first day was baptism by fire.  He went to school in diapers, and as soon as he arrived his Thomas the Train Underwear were on.  He had no successes that first day.  None.  He cried when he had to be placed on the potty and came home from school very upset. 
I had 5 pairs of pants to wash and lots of dirty underwear. 

At school Max is asked every 5 minutes if he has to use the toilet.  Then every 30 minutes they put him on the potty.  I can tell you the first few days were very rough.  Max hated being at school.  It was hard.  He would cry a lot.  But then, last week I got a text from his teacher that simple said "WE HAVE A SUCCESS!"  He went.  The happy dance was done by everyone in his classroom and he was happy at school.  And then he didn't go again for a few days.  He was getting really stressed out.  Over the weekend he cried and was having so many tantrums.  So on Sunday I said "Diapers!  Just put one on!"  And that is what we did.  And Max slept, and all was right again with the world. 

But then we started again on Tuesday this past week.  He does much better at school.  He has improved over the week.  He started with 4-5 accidents a day, and today he came home with only one pair of dirty pants.  At home it is harder.  He hasn't gone for us yet.  But we still try to follow the same routine at home.  At night he wears pull-ups with underwear over them.  And if we go out we do the same.  He LOVES his underwear, so we put them right over the diaper. 

Rewards:  Because Max doesn't eat candy, chocolate, cake, cupcakes, or cookies this hard been harder.  He will lick dum-dums, and at school Gerald is his reward.  If he has a success he gets five minutes of Gerald time.  He is allowed to play with trains while he sits on the potty, and we are overly excited when he has a success.   At home we let him sit on the potty with the ipad.  He doesn't really understand stickers or a chart, and because of his sensory issues we don't feel like it is fair for him to have to clean up his own mess.  Maybe when he is older? We have had so many good suggestions given to us, and we appreciate them.  We are not trying to rush him, or give him more anxiety, we want him to be successful. 

But until then, Max sure looks adorable in his little boy undies!

And yes, that is the potty in our living room.  We will try anything.  Anything. 

9 Days in...February 6th...
Say some potty prayers for Max. 

Being a friend

Kids just understand each other.  They just do. 
Cousins understand each other more than anyone and they make fantastic friends. 
I was not close with my cousins growing up so I missed out on having friends that were also cousins.  Max is lucky, he has cousins that are close in age to him and also live close.  He has built in friends.  A build in support system. 

Will and I were talking just last week about friends.  Making friends is a fear I have and I am sure I will always have for Max.  Making sure Max had a good support system at school, and in life in general is really important to me.  Max doesn't really socialize at school with other children.  He stays to himself and in his own world.  His best friends are his trains, Gerald the Giraffe, and his favorite TV characters. 

But then this past weekend we were at the BYU Bean Museum with his cousins.  We were reminded, (again) that Max does have friends.  He has friends that love him, support him, and understand him.  And we are so lucky that they are his cousins. 

Cousin C is who I would call his best friend.  They even hold hands when they are together.  She chases him, and teases him, and loves him.  I tear up when they hug each other.  She does so much for Max, she is teaching him how to socialize.  Cousin C also has helped me realize Max does and always will have friends.  They will love him for all his quirks.