Potty Training - just the beginning.

Potty Training is something I have been dreading.  It is something that has given me anxiety.  But with the confidence from Max's teacher last week we started the process.  And it is a process. We started January 29th and here is our 9 day story.  

Max doesn't really feel when he has to go to the bathroom, so we have to help him.  The first day was baptism by fire.  He went to school in diapers, and as soon as he arrived his Thomas the Train Underwear were on.  He had no successes that first day.  None.  He cried when he had to be placed on the potty and came home from school very upset. 
I had 5 pairs of pants to wash and lots of dirty underwear. 

At school Max is asked every 5 minutes if he has to use the toilet.  Then every 30 minutes they put him on the potty.  I can tell you the first few days were very rough.  Max hated being at school.  It was hard.  He would cry a lot.  But then, last week I got a text from his teacher that simple said "WE HAVE A SUCCESS!"  He went.  The happy dance was done by everyone in his classroom and he was happy at school.  And then he didn't go again for a few days.  He was getting really stressed out.  Over the weekend he cried and was having so many tantrums.  So on Sunday I said "Diapers!  Just put one on!"  And that is what we did.  And Max slept, and all was right again with the world. 

But then we started again on Tuesday this past week.  He does much better at school.  He has improved over the week.  He started with 4-5 accidents a day, and today he came home with only one pair of dirty pants.  At home it is harder.  He hasn't gone for us yet.  But we still try to follow the same routine at home.  At night he wears pull-ups with underwear over them.  And if we go out we do the same.  He LOVES his underwear, so we put them right over the diaper. 

Rewards:  Because Max doesn't eat candy, chocolate, cake, cupcakes, or cookies this hard been harder.  He will lick dum-dums, and at school Gerald is his reward.  If he has a success he gets five minutes of Gerald time.  He is allowed to play with trains while he sits on the potty, and we are overly excited when he has a success.   At home we let him sit on the potty with the ipad.  He doesn't really understand stickers or a chart, and because of his sensory issues we don't feel like it is fair for him to have to clean up his own mess.  Maybe when he is older? We have had so many good suggestions given to us, and we appreciate them.  We are not trying to rush him, or give him more anxiety, we want him to be successful. 

But until then, Max sure looks adorable in his little boy undies!

And yes, that is the potty in our living room.  We will try anything.  Anything. 

9 Days in...February 6th...
Say some potty prayers for Max. 

How big is a crowd?

Will and I have always noticed Max hates crowds, large gatherings and events with a lot of noise. 
His first birthday was loud, the singing made him cry, there were way to many people, and all the attention was on him.  Disaster. 
Last year on the Fourth of July Max was really shaken up by the fireworks, the loud noise, and all the lights.  We learned our lesson.  He doesn't like surprises.  He doesn't like when he doesn't know people in big crowds.  This has actually gotten worse as he gets older. 
Holidays are hard.  He knows something exciting is happening.  He knows there is an increased excitement, and that overwhelms him instead of making him excited.  Most kids would find excitement in the different schedule, the anticipation of a party or family gathering.  It gives Max extreme anxiety.  Most of the time at a party you will find Max playing by himself in a room where it is quiet. 
A few weeks ago we went to a good friends house for their sweet daughters first birthday party.  Max knew most of the people there.  But it was a new house and it was loud for Max.  They had a great play room that was off to the side and Max stayed there the whole time.  He doesn't eat cake, so to him he didn't miss anything. 
Max likes routine.  He likes Gerald to be close by.  He likes to know his blankets are near.  He likes being home.  He likes his cars, trains and trucks.  He is very particular with how he eats and how he drinks his milk and apple juice.  He has OCD tendencies and gets very overwhelmed and upset when something isn't part of the normal routine. 

Gerald, Blanket, and Mickey Blanket.

Max likes driving in the car.  He likes being in his car seat.  It is tight and safe.  He could drive around for hours.  He loves pointing out all the trucks on the highway.  It is familiar and safe.  We actually have started taking him for drives when the day has been hard.  

The focus is astounding. 

 Things we have learned that help Max:
-If we are going somewhere new we will let the people know that we might not be able to stay long, or even make it into the house.  Most people have been very understanding and have offered help when needed. 
-We talk to those who are at the party and let them know that Max will most likely be on his own planet, but he is okay and he isn't trying to be rude.  He is trying to figure out how to make himself feel comfortable. 
-We bring Gerald and Blankets to all new places.
-We always have a cup of chocolate milk or apple juice. 
-Talking to Max a few days in advance about what will happen does help.  For example we watched Curious George Halloween everyday for the whole month of October so Max would understand Halloween.  And it worked for the trick or treating part, which we thought was actually going to be the hardest part of the day. 
-We now can notice signs of him being overwhelmed before he gets to the tantrum, out of control, crying behaviors.  And when we notice these signs we leave, or remove him from the activity, place we are at, etc. 
-We avoid certain stores, times of the day to go out, and places where a lot of people are gathered.  Max loves walking around the mall but doesn't like it when it is crowded.  So we go during the day, when it is almost empty. 

We adjust.  We learn.  Sometimes we are shocked at how good he is handling a situation, and other times we realize that we made a mistake and shouldn't have brought Max into an environment that worries him, or gives him anxiety.  

And we laugh.  A lot.  Because Max is learning how to be himself, with all his quirks, and it is funny.

One Singular Sensation.