Anxiety and Therapy Animals

I am an overly anxious person.  I am not afraid to admit that I take medication for my anxiety and have for years.  It helps me sleep and be a happier person overall. 

I never realized how anxiety can effect a child.  Especially when a child can't vocalize what they are feeling.  Max's anxiety has gone up a lot in the last six months.  It is effecting his school performance, and also how he reacts at home.  Autism and anxiety actually go hand in hand, so does ADHD, ADD, and Sensory Processing Disorder.  This is not saying that if you have one you have them all, it is just common that with Autism another side effect could be one of them. 

I love how it is explained in this article from Autism Speaks:
Children with autism express anxiety or nervousness in many of the same ways as typically developing children do. We often see separation anxiety, for example, when children must part with trusted parents or caregivers to go to school or camp. Many children worry and become preoccupied with challenges such as homework, friends or health issues. These issues commonly affect both children with and without autism. However, social anxiety – or a fear of new people and social situations – is especially common among kids with autism.
If your child suffers from anxiety, he may experience strong internal sensations of tension. This can include a racing heart, muscular tensions, sweating and stomachache. Intense anxiety can result in repetitive behaviors that appear to serve no function, such as shredding paper or clothing.
Of course individuals with ASD often have trouble communicating verbally. So outward manifestations of anxiety may be the only clue that something is bothering them. Some researchers also suspect that outward, physical symptoms of anxiety may be especially prominent among those with ASD.

I do a lot of research daily and read as much as I can about Autism.  It is fascinating to me.  I know as a mother and also a teacher it really helps me to be informed and to learn as much as I can so that I can best care for my child.  A few months ago Autism Speaks had a article about how animals help with Autism and Anxiety.  (This is the original article I read via Huffington Post) I talked to Will about the idea of getting a pet for Max.  We have fish, and to be honest, they are boring.  Max hasn't bonded over them.  He has put things in the fish tank a few times to "share" but they don't really do anything for his anxiety.  I started looking into a kitten.  I wanted something that was for Max, that we could help him learn with, that he could help care for, and could be an instant friend.  Therapy animals also help with social skills and making friends. 
I read a lot about therapy animals, specifically cats, talked to other mom's about animals and having a therapy animal in our condo, and felt so good about it.  Will and I talked to Will's parents, and they agreed that it would be okay for us to have a kitten for Max. 

Three weeks ago one of our friends posted on facebook that they just had a new litter of kittens.  It was perfect timing.  And I fell in love with a white and gray kitty they posted a picture of!  Will and I set up a time to come look at the kittens, and the very next day we brought home our kitty home.

Introducing:  The Magnificent Marvelous Mad Madam Mim.  We call her Mim for short. She is named after one of our favorite villains in Sword in the Stone. 

She is so tiny, has the cutest little nose and little kitten meow.  She is very loved.  Max adores her and has since she was introduced to him. 

The first night she was with us she snuggled up to Max and went to sleep next to him. 

When Max gets up in the morning Mim is the first person he looks for, when he gets home from school Mim is the only thing he cares about, and at school his teacher told us all week Mim has been a very popular topic of conversation.  He calls her "My kitty Mim" and I am really excited to see how much she helps our whole family. 

 He has even shared Gerald with her.  That means it is true love. 

Other interesting articles about Therapy animals not only for Autism for specifically for Anxiety:
http://anxietyfreechild.com/animal-assisted-therapy-can-help-kids-with-anxiety-depression/

http://www.anxietysupportnetwork.com/articles/how_pets_are_powerful_anxiety_reducers.php

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_152699.html

Heartfelt Mom Post - Being kind to one another

This weekend was hard.
Friday Max went on a wonderful field trip to the Natural Curiosity Museum in Lehi, Utah.  It was really fun for our family and he had a blast. 

The museum is loud, has a lot of lights, sounds, colors, and even though he had a great time I knew the rest of the day was going to be hard.  His brain was on overdrive.  He was overstimulated and overwhelmed.  One thing after another made him panic, cry, tantrum, and get upset.  He destroyed his bedroom, smeared poop on the walls (I will spare you the picture) and crashed by 7pm. 

Being overstimulated is something that Max deals with on a regular basis.  He has some coping methods, but he almost 4, not almost 12.  When he is really overwhelmed he flaps his arms, hits his head, screams, cries, and acts out.  Will and I try our best to prepare him for a situation, but there is no way we can predict how he will react. 

This is a GREAT video that shows what sensory overload is like. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcS2VUoe12M

Church is very hard for him.  He does well in small groups, but the large sacrament meeting, with sounds coming from everywhere, bright lights, and a lot of people his senses are on overdrive.  Just imagine closing your eyes in a large room.  There are sounds everywhere, feet moving on the floor, people talking, shifting of body parts, the building cracks and noises, etc.  Max hears and sees everything, and it is all very hard on his brain. If he gets to overwhelmed he then either acts out, cries, runs away,  physically hurts himself or others, or tries his best to use coping skills to deal with the situation. This is what Autism looks like.  This is what Max deals with daily. 

So if you see us at church or any social event it might look like this: playing with trains (toys), he might be laying on the floor watching the wheels to calm himself, letting him jump up and down, spin in circles in the doorway or hallway of a building, letting him play on the iphone or ipad, allowing him to use his voice to tell us what is wrong.  He might repeat the same thing over and over and get louder and louder, and of course we will explain to him what is appropriate for the situation but we can't predict his outbursts.  He might hit his head with his hands, or run from us even after calling his name over and over.  This is all normal. These things are not an indication of our lack of parenting, this is us trying to help our child cope with the world.  Because his world can be lonely, scary, and really hard.

Yesterday I put on my facebook:  Be kind to one another. Judging hurts at any age and in any situation.

On the outside Max looks like a typical (almost) 4 year old.  He is taller than his peers.   He is now in the 100% for height and the 80% for weight.  He wears boys clothes not toddler clothes anymore. He is expect to communicate like a 4 or 5 year old.  But he is about 2 years behind those of his peers.  People stare at him, and that is okay, he doesn't notice for now.  But he will.  And Will and I notice, we notice the whispers, and the faces of those who are judging the way my child is acting.  Will and I have heard it all, we have watched adults and children laugh at Max.  It hurts.  Max one day will notice, and we will be there to love and support him.  To tell him how special he is, how smart he is, and how lucky he is to have so many people who DO support him.  I know we have so many who support us, who care for us, and pray for our family, but that doesn't take the hurt of that one judgmental comment away.  Will and I are human, trying to be super heroes to both our special boys. 

Our parenting style has to be different, it has to look different, and that is okay.  Just because we are doing things our way doesn't make it wrong. Max has taught me to be more compassionate, to care more, to be more understanding of all people.  I adore him and his unique traits.  I have learned more about trains, firetrucks, Pocoyo, and construction sites than I ever thought possible.  I have also learned how valuable friendships are and how important it is to have a village to help raise a child. 

Life isn't Typical for our Family - Dexter Update

The one thing I wanted to accomplish by having a blog for Max was to be a advocate for early intervention. Your child's Well-Check-Ups are so important and being completely honest with your child's doctor. I used to hate filling out the questionnaires for Max because he wasn't meeting hardly any of the age appropriate milestones. I will admit that a few times the right answer was not what I admitted too. I wanted to have a typical child. But what I have learned is nothing is typical.

Because of early intervention, our pediatrician and being an advocate for Max we have been able to help him strive. We have found a preschool that we all adore with a community of parents that all want the best for their Autistic children. 

The reason Well-Check-Ups are so important because they help monitor progress. Max started really having Autistic symptoms that were very noticeable at age two. And this is common. As children with autism develop their symptoms become more prevalent.  And in some cases Autistic Signs might not even be seen until 2 or 3 years.  They could even have typical development but then start to loose them. This would include communication skills, motor skills, and the ability to be self aware. (Being self aware for example is seeing emotions in others like being sad, happy, mad, responding to your name, being able to self sooth, etc)  That is what happened with Max.  He lost words, and the ability to communicate and then stopped making sounds or hand gestures all together around age 2. 

Max is about 20-24 months behind his peers. His communication skills and self awareness is something that is developing at a slower rate. And that is okay. Progress is progress. 

Dexter (Max's brother) is now 21 months. He will turn two in July. 

 

Dexter has been slower to develop in the communication and gross motor area but it wasn't a worry for me. Dexter also has great eye contact and has since birth. Dexter loves to smile just like Max does and is generally a very happy toddler. 

Around Halloween last year (2014) we started slowly noticing things that worried us.  They were subtle at first but then over time they became more and more concerning.  We talked with his doctor and we were told to watch him, document specific concerns and even take video of our concerns, then if needed contact the early intervention program we used with Max. We also spoke with Max's teachers and expressed our concerns. Dexter is currently seeing an early intervention specialist for speech and Occupational Therapy (OT).  Things have been changing for Dexter and in the future I expect him to need some TLC just like Max.  But for now we are doing all that we can at his age to help him communicate and develop.

Dexter has never slept through the night. His longest stretch since birth has been 4 hours. He panics, screams, gets a rapid heart beat, hits his head against the wall and has major anxiety.  He has been making himself so upset that he throws up.  It is very scary to experience, and make me feel so helpless. The only this that calms him is breastfeeding. So yes I am still breastfeeding my 21 month old. Sleep has progressively gotten worse along with other concerning signs that something with Dexter isn't right. Will and I are so grateful that we have some knowledge to understand what to look for and where to go for help. As of right now prayers that we are lead in the right direction for Dexter and for our whole family would be greatly appreciated. 

Will have some hunches and gut feelings about what is going on but until we know for sure and have a family plan we want to stay positive and do what is best for Dexter. 

A rare occurrence that only last 10 minutes but it was a peaceful ten minutes.

For now we are working with Max's amazing team of teachers, our pediatrician and other people to help us with Dexter. Sleep is so important. But finding out the cause is also another piece to the puzzle. My family means the world to me. We have our struggles and our life isn't typical. I might only be getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night but right now I wouldn't have it any other way. 

 

Learning from Dexter

Max and his younger brother Dexter have a very sweet relationship.  They truly love each other.  Dexter is the first person Max says hi to and gives hugs to after school.  Dexter loves to give Max hugs and kisses.  It is pretty adorable.

One thing I never thought was how much Dexter will teach and influence Max.  Dexter and Max are physically very different.  Max is huge and has always been in the 100% or above on all his growth charts.  Dexter has been between 1% and 20% on all his growth charts since birth. 
At 10 months Max weighed 30 pounds and was 30 inches.  Dexter is only 23.5 pounds and 31 but he is 21 months.  So they are very opposite.

 Both boys at 10 months old.  #thebros

Dexter can't fit into the outfit Max is wearing yet.  Ha!

Max and Dexter developmentally are very close in age.  Max is about 2 years behind peers (typical children) that are his age.  Dexter has a slight speech delay, but he is getting some early intervention help.  So they are able to really influence each other. 

Today we got the dreaded call at school.  Max bit another student.  He has never bit someone before.  I was hoping to avoid this.  But, alas, he bit someone.  My heart sank.  Max is such a tender heart.  He cares a lot about others, and is always saying "That ok mom" when I bump into something or get hurt somehow.  So now what?  Where is he learning this from?  Yes, it was the first time, but he never has done it before?  His teacher asked me if Dexter bites.  I said yes, he is teething, he bites everything.  She said, he is watching Dexter.  He is testing out what Dexter is doing.  Ah!  That makes sense.

I can work with this.  He is influenced so much by those around him, and doesn't understand facial expressions well at all, so we really need to talk to him and repeat things over and over for him to grasp a concept.  For example Max used to throw all of his trucks and cars in the sink.  This was such a hard stage.  Because everything would go int the sink.  And he would get SO mad when we would clean it up.  We realized that he was "cleaning" and we were just not seeing his perspective.  When we had dirty dishes we would put them in the sink.  When he was done playing with a car, he would want to "clean up" and put it in the sink.  So in his mind, nothing was wrong.  He was learning a social situation.  We worked with him and showed him over and over what goes in the sink, and about 4-6 months later Max doesn't put all toys in the sink now.  It just took time.

Looking back on a lot of situations I can see how he was being so literal.  Because that is how he views the world.  At this years Easter egg hunt we told him to "Pick up all the eggs" and he did a great job.  But when he came across an egg that was shaped like a basketball, he looked at it and said 'Not an egg!" and threw it to the ground.  Literal thinking.

 

Dexter will continue to teach Max.  He will show him the world better than we can.  I love that I have two boys close in age so they can help each other.  Dexter adores Max, and Max depends on Dexter.  It is a bond that will grow.  I love them to pieces.  

My shy boy and my camera happy boy.  This picture explains them so well. 

Autism Awareness: What have I learned in the past year?

Last April 2, 2014 Autism was so new to me.  It was very fresh. I was so lost and confused.  I was heartbroken and very worried about Max's future.  Will and I had little knowledge about Autism and we didn't know how to help our son.  I have over the years as a teacher taught some students on the Autistic Spectrum, but I had never thought about having a child of my own with special needs.  And honestly who does?  How can you prepare for that?

Christmas 2013 - Max was official diagnosed January 2014.

Fast forward a year.  I am still learning everyday.  I want to continue to learn as Max grows and enters different stages of life.  One thing is certain I am more confident as a Autism Mom.  I am not angry or upset, but have the deepest joy and love for Max.  He is amazing just the way he is.  He has led us into his world, and I am so lucky he has.

10 things I have learned in the last year in not particular order:

1.  You have to take suggestions of how to "treat" a child with Autism just like that - a suggestion.  We have been approached by so many people telling us about the latest treatments: Natural oils that cure Autism, do not vaccinate, not allowing him to drink cows milk, taking red dye out of his diet completely, etc.  Some suggestions have been wonderful and we are grateful for them. But we don't use all suggestions because we have to do what we feel is best for our child. 

2.  Vaccinations do NOT cause autism.  It has been proven over and over again.  Then end.

3.  Early intervention is KEY.  I have said this so many times but if you notice something doesn't seem right developmentally with your child or you have a gut feeling that your child isn't thriving socially talk to your pediatrician.  Early intervention can start as early as 18 months.

4.  Find a support group.  I don't know what I would do without friend and family, but sometimes you just need to talk to someone who has a child that is dealing with the same issues your child is.  I love being a part of the Giant Steps community.  I love being able to connect with other Moms to share stories, ask questions, and get advice.

Max's first day at Giant Steps November 2014

5.  Take time for yourself.  Everyone needs a break.  Everyone needs time to be alone and not be in charge.  I go to the gym, I zone out on my ipod, and I watch bad television.  But it helps.

6.  Be honest with your feelings.  There are really tough days.  There are days where Max has had tantrum after tantrum that last anywhere from 5 minutes to 45, didn't sleep the night before, has only had chocolate milk to drink all day, and won't put on anything but a diaper.  Oh and to top it off has watched the same Thomas the Train Episode on repeat.  This is a frustrating day.  And it is okay to be frustrated.  It is okay to cry, to be mad, and upset.  Validate your feelings.

7.  Progress is progress.  Max is about 18 months to 2 years behind his peers.  It is hard to see other friends with children the same age as Max doing things that Max can't do yet.  But on the flip side it is so rewarding to see him accomplish even the littlest thing.  Max is working on full sentences with commands at school right now.  He says "I want choco-milk."  Or "I want bread."  This is huge progress.  Socially Max says "Hi and Bye" and waves to people who are entering a room.  I love progress because it can be little or big but it is moving forward, it is a step in the right direction.

8.  I used to be so scared to take Max out of the house.  I hated taking him anywhere because I didn't want people to stare at him while he was having a tantrum, or crawling on the floor watching the wheels of the shopping cart, or repeating the same word while flapping his hands.  I was embarrassed.  And that was the wrong thinking.  Max isn't embarrassed, he doesn't know any better, and you know what he is happy crawling on the floor.  I needed to change my thinking.  Max deserves the same experiences other kids have, and if that means a few tantrums and people saying something rude or staring at us, so be it.

9.  Talk about your child.  People are curious.  It is human nature.  I am open to telling people Max is Autistic.  I am not trying to excuse a behavior, I am hoping it makes people aware.  People are different.  Children are different.

"Everyone is handed adversity in life. No one's journey is easy. It's how they handle it that makes people unique."

10.  Laugh.  A lot.  Oh do I laugh a lot.  Max has said and done the funniest things.  He makes jokes, and wants to make you smile.  He is a fun kid.  Entering his world as been the BEST decision I have made as a mother.  I love his laugh, and I hope he continues to like mine.

Autism Awareness Month April 2015 - I hope you all Light It Up Blue for Max and for Autism.

Thank you for your love, support, encouraging words, and prayers.  It means so much.
Tiffany Strong

Improving language skills

A year ago Max was official diagnosed with Autism.  He hardly spoke, but instead would cry and tantrum.  He didn't have more than 10 total words he used on a weekly basis.  He didn't have any words linked together and had a severe language delay.  Max has really had a major improvement with his language this last month.  He is starting to talk on his own without being prompted.  He has his own thoughts and remembers what he has said for future conversations. He isn't caught up to people his own age by any means, but he is making amazing progress.  And progress is progress. 
Max's conversations are 4-5 words and might even have multiple topics but he is trying on his own.  As his ability to communicate has improved his tantrums and frustrations has drastically decreased.  His understanding of the world he lives in has also increased.  He has a schedule, he has ways to cope when he gets overwhelmed and over stimulated, and he has people in his daily life that he trusts and are his safety net.

What our family is loving the most right now is how much he sings!  He sings songs he has memorized while he playing trains, while taking a bath, in the car, even at school while at recess or during a break.  It makes me so happy to know he feels comfortable using his voice.  His memorization skills are astounding.  Singing has really helped his vocabulary and speaking voice. 

The video below is Max helping Will and I sing "I am a Child of God."  It made me tear up and also make me realize how far we have come in just one year.  The next video is Max singing to the Sesame Street with no prompting. Just playing trains and singing. 

Be an advocate

Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be a teacher.  I was still playing school secretly in my room in 8th grade.  I would organize grade books, make lesson plans, and even grade fake papers.  When I got to college and started to take developmental psychology classes I was convinced I wanted to teach early elementary students.  Boy was I wrong.  I adore 6th grade.  I love ages 11-12.
Fast forward 10 years and I still enjoy the hormonal 12 year old students.  They have taught me so much about my own life and I am very grateful that I am a teacher.  Teaching and understanding education has really helped me be a better mother to Max and Dexter.  I feel like Heavenly Father knew I would need this important career to help my own family. 

On Tuesday nights Will and I attend parent training for Giant Steps.  These training have been very helpful and have allowed Will and I to make connections and friends with other parents in the program.  There is about an hour presentation on many different topics and then after we get into small groups and discuss anything that we need help with.  We have been given a lot of good advice especially with eating, potty training, and dealing with meltdowns.

He tried it once, and never has liked it since. 

This past Tuesday the topic was IEP's and 504's.

What is an IEP?
An Individualized Education Program (IEP) is a written education plan designed to meet a child's learning needs.

What is a 504?
The 504 Plan is a plan developed to ensure that a child who has a disability identified under the law and is attending an elementary or secondary educational institution receives accommodations that will ensure their academic success and access to the learning environment.

IEP's are for education and learning, 504's are for typically behavior.  Behaviors don't have to be negative.  If a child has high test anxiety a 504 can be written so that they are given extra time on tests, can be tested in a separate room, can have multiple breaks during a test etc.  I have seen so much good come from a 504.  The allow the student to reach the curriculum and help them be successful.

A TEAM helps your child.  And as your child's parent you are a part of their team.  If you are noticing something at home please inform the teacher, allow them to be a part of your life.  Good teachers want to know the WHOLE child, not just if they are passing math or not.  Good teachers want to know if the family dog dies, or if your child has been waking up 8-10 times a night and not sleeping well.  These things effect their education.  After an IEP is made you can meet with the IEP team whenever needed.  It isn't set in stone that the meeting only has to be once a year.  That is just a guideline.

When you meet to go make an IEP or 504 PLEASE be your child's advocate.  Make your feelings and opinions known.  Make sure you understand what your child is going to be working on at school.  Make sure you understand your rights as a parent.  This is so important not just for those children who are autistic or have disabilities, but for all students.  School is such a huge part of life, it is already stressful for the whole family.  If something isn't working, switch it, if you need something changed, change it, and if you are not getting answers from your child's teacher go elsewhere. 

 

This is something that I am very passionate about and this post hopefully shows that.  I love teaching, I love education, I love learning about each one of my students.  Max is very lucky to have teachers who feel the same.  I know he is getting a whole education, and I am hopeful that this will continue.